sheryl bee

practicing wholehearted, soulful living

Inside-Out Congruence

How many times have you stood in front of your closet, full to overflowing maybe, and thought, ugh, I have nothing to wear.  Nothing inspires me.  And then, after a try on and toss on the bed, floor, chair, trunk, you finally settle on the thing you wear most often and out you go, begrudgingly, to face the day.

What if I told you there is a better way of getting dressed in the morning?  Well, you’d maybe say, What?  Sheryl?  Really?  Oh, gosh (or your version of Oh Gosh), tell me!!  Please!

Well, this brilliant woman named Stasia Savasuk has a wonderful program called Style School and before I tell you all about it, I’ll tell you how I found her and it.

One very gloomy wintry day, I was feeling all the shames I could think of.  It was a total beat myself up kind of night.  Body shame.  Parental shame.  Daughter shame.  Friend Shame.  Teacher Shame.  NOTHING I DID WAS GOOD ENOUGH Shame.  Yes, I was.  Difficult as it is to admit, given, I’m writing this soulful and mindful blog, I had a melt down.  And, as I’ve said before, it’s all about practice.  Think the sprinter never falls down, or the high jumper never knocks the bar down?

So I’m feeling crappy and I’m beating myself up and I’m sinking in the dark.  Did I light a candle to banish the dark?  Put on my favourite soothing music?  Call a friend?  Go outside?  All of the strategies I normally practice and encourage others to practice?

Nope. I scrolled though Instagram, and instantly felt worse.  Because that’s what some of us seem to do right?  When we’re in the beat myself up mode, we go to the beautiful, perfect world of everyone else on social media (even though we know that SM is a carefully curated version of other people’s lives).

Well, I found Stasia who has a very cool feature called “Styled By My Child” where each Monday, her lovely 9-year-old daughter chooses her outfit for the day and she posts a picture of herself in that outfit with her daughter.  Gorgeous, playful, fun, infused with joy and laughter #styledbymychild .  I LOVED it.  And I cried.  Deep down, horrid, ugly crying.  Missing my young kids who are now lovely adults, but I didn’t feel like I mattered.

So, I did this:  I went to her website Thrift Me Pretty  I found out about her and I sent her an email.  I shared how I loved her images and her philosophy of clothes and getting dressed. And I felt somewhat better and calmed down.

Two days later, she replied.  Not just a generic auto response, but a thoughtful personal response.  And you know what?  Here’s an excerpt:

Dear Sheryl,

Your email ranks up there as one of the sweetest most loving emails I’ve ever received. In my whole life. I’ve read your letter 7 times, because I want every word that you shared with me to seep into my heart and soul. 

And here’s what I have to say:

  • you have everything that you need already
  • you are superbly and brilliantly capable
  • you matter

You know where I got that from, right?

I immediately recognised these words.  Smack in the head.  Of course!  She’d gone to my website to find out about me!  And played me my own song.

So I signed up for her Spring 2016 Style School.  And I have to tell you, it’s one of the most fun, inspired, deep in the guts, courses I’ve taken.

She encourages participants (small group, lots of interaction and support) to a weekly challenge and to let our outside reflect who we really are on the inside.  I love this image of the cat looking in the mirror and seeing the lion.

“Inside-Out Congruency. When your projection of self (how you LIVE, LOVE + LAUGH) matches your presentation of self.” ~ Stasia Savasuk

Style School is not just about the clothes.  It’s about what I’m feeling on the inside and how I see myself and my power and so much more.  In the five weeks with Style School, I found a lovely sharing community of women who are on fire!  And who, like most of us, can make a big list of things we don’t like about our bodies, but struggle to find just even 3-5 that we do like.

Self-love.  Acceptance.  Gentleness.  Kindness.

We need to give ourselves a good healthy dose of all of these.

 

baby tshirt

 

The baby t-shirt “I hate my thighs.”

This picture blows my mind.

I found it while shopping for baby things for my brand new grandson.

The “boy” version was “handsome boy.”  Not kidding.

File under “Things that Make me say GRRR”

 

 

 

This exercise is not new, but worth doing on a yearly basis:

Create a big list of words that you think define you.  Go beyond roles or titles (such as mother, friend, etc).   Write for at least 10 minutes.  Single words, not phrases.  Don’t think too much.  Just let the words come.  Then ask several friends to give you 3-5 words on how they see you.  Compile your friends’ words into a list and compare with yours.

Sit with the words for a few days, then create your list of 3-5 power words.  Words that are repeated, that resonate with you from both lists.  Write them out in pretty way and tape them to your mirror, your closet, so you can see them each day.

Roar your power words into your mirror!

Big love,

Sheryl xo

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